All of a sudden I realize that these ain't what I want. It's becoming too hard to convince myself. These emotions seems familiar, In fact way too familiar. How people can get so comfortable with you, Sometimes you just feel like everything is taken forgranted. It's about time I'll stop trying to make it work.

I hate this feeling.
i should be independent.
Right now it just feel so vulnerable.
Maybe I'm think way too much.
Stay sane, stay sane.

Finally 2012 is here.
Last year was the worst one I've ever had.
When i thought I was at the lowest but nope! It's just keeps getting worse.
Well. Please let this be a better year.
For this awesome year I have resolutions I MUST adhere!
I need to get out of this mess. THIS IS FKING IMPT!
I need to know my limits.
To know how to follow my head not my heart.
Do not trust blindly!
Find a hobby and a goal!
Stop finding excuses for my convenience.
Start school!
Write a hate letter to the bitch before I quit (HAHAHA!)
Start exercising!!!
Watch where I walk, my knee have far too many scars it can't accomodate more.
Groom myself, stop being lazy! Dress up often, even if I'm just gg to work.
Be decisive and start saying no to people.
Stop being late. Lol. The late-ness rate is too damn high!
Sleep early, I'm almost a panda already.
Stop spending and start saving




Okay. That's all for now.
Though abit late, but happy new year to my dwindling readers.

I hate 2011, please let this year pass faster.
I never knew my heart was ready to settle.
So many tough choices to make.
Some are painfully hard but you have to take it.
For I know things will never get better with blindless trust.
A vicious cycle.
You lost, found then lost again.
I don't have energy for these games anymore.
But sadly, most of the time I don't have a choice.
Cause I can't gain full control of my heart and brain.
I just wish I can shut certain part of it away and continue living.
It's just fucking hard.
That kind of expectation of life will kill me one day.
Or maybe killing me slowly.
Damn all the insecurities and fear.
They are nth but air, keep telling myself that.
Well, fuck this emo bug in me.
Move on now. Move on fast.

I need to stop lying to myself.
Start doing things I don't like but I know will be good for me.
I need to be more decisive and stop living in other's life.
I need to stay strong, strong enough to get out of this mess.
Stop giving in.
Stop being lazy.
Be responsible.
Hello to a new me.

I wish I can find a word to describe how I feel right now.
I've tried so hard to keep myself occupy w many things.
But at the end of the day I still feel like my life is all empty.
I don't actually like to stay out.
I really wish that I can return to a house full of laughter.
I hope that I can have more than a conversation w my mom w/o starting a fight.
But I always fail terribly.
So these few years, I barely speak to anyone in the house.
I stop trying. I gave up.
And now this emptiness catch up to me.
I often question myself, did I do anything wrong that lead to this tragic.
But did all these question ever cross her head?
Fuck this shit.
Just gg to slp through this.

This serenity gives me a sense of insecurity.
I have this sudden need for a hug to reassure me.
I don't know why I'm feeling this way but I hope that it will go away when the sun rise.